The "Turkey" is Going To Make Dinner

Many times in my life I've been called a "turkey", usually by my mother. I think it was meant as a derogatory adjective and I always tried to defend the poor birds reputation. Even Benjamin Franklin, one of our beloved forefathers, wanted the turkey to be our National Bird of America instead of the Bald Eagle. (This opinion can be found in a letter to his daughter January 26, 1784.)

It has been rumored that turkeys are...well.... less than bright...even to say that one will look up in a rainstorm and drown itself. I live in a place where a flock made up of 40 or more individuals visit my gardens every other month, and after some observations, well, I can tell you that next time someone calls you a "turkey"... trust me... it's NOT a compliment! Ha ha

So it is with great apprehension that Thanksgiving dinner has once again fallen to me to make for the relatives. Argh.

Not to say that I'm a bad cook...not at all. When relaxed and calm, feeling creative and energetic I can fix some wonderful things. I just don't do well under "pressure". For example...my first Thanksgiving in my first house.

I've learned some things since then, and there is always time to make new mistakes..and this is why I reminisce about the "old days."

1. No one told me that a 23 lb. bird has to thaw several days in advance of cooking. If you wait only 12 hours before cooking a bird like that you will NOT be able to get the bag of giblets out of the hard frozen carcass...no matter how much hot water you pour down the throat. You will end up with a half boiled turkey, three broken nails, many tears and scalded hands.

2. Be careful when finding creative ways to get lumps out of the gravy. One rule of cooking...always add water to powder...never the opposite or you get dumplings. In a nervous panic I had a GREAT idea! Why not take a sieve, pour the gravy through, eliminate the lumps easily and go back to cooking a bazillion other things. What I forgot when I was hurriedly pouring the gravy out is that although the sieve worked fine, no bowl underneath the sieve allows your concoction to continue down through to the sink's drain. Thus keeping the lumps and removing your gravy. Lumpy gravy = problem solved.

3. When creatively doubling parts of a recipe, remember which parts those were..highlighters work wonders! If ya'll want a GREAT recipe for a wonderful tasting pumpkin pie, take the Libby recipe on the back of the pumpkin can and double all the spices except the ginger. (Ginger is really strong so add to taste but easy....less is more.) If you are super nervous and distracted about Aunt Jackie or Grandma Marge liking your new house and your cooking, double everything and then wonder, why, in filling two pie crusts...you have enough filling to make 8. ??? Let it take you a few minutes to sink in that in doubling the spice..you doubled everything...eggs..mixture...milk...etc. and in doing so overfilled the pie crusts you had..and thus undercooked the pies into a strange, pumpkin flavored mush. Yummy.

4. Butter is NOT a substitute for cream cheese. Even though you may have purchased that fancy butter from the organic farmers market, and set it out to get soft, and then it had a similar look and consistency to cream cheese....make sure which recipe is which when making 5 at once. Fancy cheese ball dip with a beautiful cracker arrangement will taste strangely bland and guests will take on that strange characteristic of a horse eating peanut butter. (Fancy cheese balls are always better when using the right product!)

5. There is a reason they are called "Baking Powder Biscuits". When you forget to put the baking powder in the "baking powder biscuits", be ready for a bizarre, flat, pancake-like effect in the bread with an odd aftertaste.

All in all, I know my family loves me anyway..but that first Thanksgiving on my own was a disaster. Hopefully this one will be better or I'm hanging up the apron once and for all!

Happy Turky Day to Everyone!!!

The Magicians Owl