Help! I'm Accent Impaired!

I think I have to blame the Bugs. Bugs Bunny to be exact. Him and all his looney friends, Pepe Le Pew/Penelope, Daffy Duck, Elmer Fudd, all the way to Coyote and Roadrunner; they influenced me as a child! After school, I would run home to watch the last half hour of cartoon lunacy, fascinated by the ideas, the comical "set-ups". :)

At some young age, don't remember which, I began using voices to express ideas. (Corny, I know.) I think those that use "accents" to express themselves are extremely artistic. It's how we see the world, how we use "colors" to make everyday life vivid, or amusing. I don't think we see "normal". LOL How boring!

I used to work with a wonderful woman, Marianne, from England. She spoke with a cockney accent, would tell me all about her life as a girl in England, and try to talk "American", which didn't work so well! She cracked me up, but I noticed after awhile that I would easily slip into an accent as well. I couldn't help it,..it was embarrassing!! LOL It's like having multiple personalities in spanish, french, english, russian, german, "translyvanian", southern drawl, Jersey,....whatever I hear becomes part of my speech pattern! Maybe I was a parrot in a former life?

Well now I've been forced to add "red-neck" to my list! For quite awhile now I have tried desperately to hold off talking like a "cb-er". Now I'm on the cb-radio, "dets uh big ten-four", "gotta poler bar on duh side", "eeval kaneevl 'round my beck dor".... ach, somebody help me!

LOL

Perhaps my next project will be a clinic..... a clinic to try to cure the "accent" impaired!

Welcome to "Ze Cleeneek Fur Duh Accent Emparred"

*Wink

The Magicians Owl

Alfred Hitchcock Meet Nebraska

In 1963 Alfred Hitchcock directed a movie, "The Birds". For those of you who have never seen this suspense flick, it involves the quiet, quaint, seaside town of Bodega Bay, CA, suddenly under siege by birds. No one knows why the fiendish fowl suddenly flocked, swooped, and attacked, but the humans were driven out... or pecked to death. (What a horrible way to go!! lol) As a girl, I loved that movie! Usually I don't like endings that don't explain the questions, but it worked for Alfred Hitchcock. The audience is left to ponder the mysteries of the avian consciousness.

Well they say that "life imitates art, art imitates life", and couldn't be more true in this case! Nebraska is a dull, flat, thank-goodness-for-books-on-audio-or-I-would-have-fallen-asleep-20 miles-back, kind of state. The drive is monotonous, the view is monotonous, (you get the boring picture)...and there would be nothing special about this state....but for the kamikaze fowl.

A month ago, I had a pigeon flock fly right down in front of my fender, one of the group straggled behind and hit my door. BAM....instant squab. Four weeks ago, I entered the Nebraska border and was only 3o miles down the road when BAM!!! ....this gray, unidentified feather-brained bird hits my windshield. Three weeks ago a starling hit the mirror. BAM...another dead feather duster. Two days ago, I see a Red Tailed Hawk aiming straight for me,...(.this isn't happening).. sure enough, I hit the brakes... no good.. BAMMMM!! and another one bites the dust. The pigeon, "gray beard", and the starling were no problem, those birds aren't that heavy, but a hawk has some weight behind it. Kamikaze bird just cracked my fender right above the steer tire. ???? What gives??

The sad part of this all is that I LOVE birds and don't want to kill any of them...well..except the chickens and turkeys...but I'm trapped in an Alfred Hitchcock flick every time I visit Nebraska.
They are out to get me!!! They keep getting bigger and bigger!!!

Next bird that'll come after me will be one of those ostriches from that farm!!!

I have definitely entered the Twilight Zone.

LOL
The Magicians Owl

"I'd Like to Order".....Reply: "I Don't Care"

Welcome to Lebanon, Indiana where the food isn't that great, but the service is hilarious!

Many times I do not stop long enough to eat in restaurants. Why? Maybe it is the higher prices, the germs, the waiting which makes me loath to enter an establishment. However, the other day I took a chance for lunch, and sat down to dine.
The little restaurant in Lebanon, Indiana was a "seat yourself." A person could choose from the buffet, which had been sitting out awhile, or use the menu and hopefully achieve a more satisfying meal. But as 10 minutes passed, and no waiter or waitress came to see to what I needed, I began to get edgy. Just as I had almost given up hope, an older waitress, with frizzy dyed blond-red-bleached-brown highlights, came into view. I looked up, expectantly. She immediately began to help a table that came in 5 minutes after me. No problem really, maybe she didn't see me...in my bright yellow t-shirt.....

I waited until she finished with that table, hoping that now I can be helped, and she began to walk back to the kitchen, looked up at me and when she was almost there, pointed at me, and shouted across the floor...."BUFFET?"
To which I replied..."No, my name is Kit!" ..... Approx. 10 minutes later she grabs a menu and plops it down on the table. "Your having Coke?"she said rather forcefully. "Uh..." I replied, "may I have a Sprite instead?" (I'm not sure what they do in Indiana, but perhaps the culture there demands that the waitresses make all your choices for you.)
I perused the menu, sipped my drink and waited...a long time.. for her to come back. Finally she ran over to the table, asked if I was alright. I closed my menu, and said, "I'm ready to order," to which she..... walked away!!

Uh...

She didn't come back for about 5 minutes or so... without skipping a beat she took my order, grabbed my menu and put it back on the table. ??? "I'll just leave this with you," she said...and she ran off again.
Food finally finds its way to me, of course the broccoli is cold, the fish undercooked, and the potatoes fixed incorrectly. (Did I really expect better?) She happily leaves two varieties of bottled sauces for the fish, which, are empty. I shake the bottles, two drops find their way to the plate.

Okay...

I was ignored for most of the meal, apparently there are NO refills on sodas, and as I began to leave, I was suddenly bombarded with questions! "Would you like a to go box? Would you like another drink? Would you like dessert?" ... Who is this woman???

I laughed so hard, tears streaked my cheeks. This has to have been the worst meal and service I've experienced in the last 5 years. I gave her a tip...not a penny...a $5.00 tip.... and why? do you ask. Because the entertainment value alone was worth it!!! I paid, told the manager that my meal was..."entertaining", told him that he'd lose this business in a month in Southern California, and walked out the door still laughing. I didn't know anybody ran a business like this!!!

All I can say is .... WOW.

The Magicians Owl