It happened about a year or two ago, I started to notice a strange pattern.
One day of every month, in a total freaky, inescapable, bizarre, incomprehensible way... I change.
Not into something awesome such as a seductive vampire, a lone werewolf, a beautiful hawk, or an enchanting sorceress. Nope. I turn into..... a COMPLETE klutz!!!
And it's getting worse every time.
SO...yesterday was going great! And then of course I woke up to start the day.The first thing I accomplished was the loss of my wallet. Normally, I know where I place everything. I needed to take my little nephew to school as a favor..and already I couldn't find the necessary paperwork for operating a vehicle. Perfect...I guess I'll be going the speed limit then.
I get him to school, walk him to the door, chat with the teacher, go back to the car......but where are the keys?
(They would be locked...safely.. .inside the car.)
FINE.... I'll call AAA roadside...and my cell phone would be.....
(That would also be locked...safely... inside the car.)
Coat hangar anyone? An agonizing half hour later....door pops open.
Perhaps I just need caffeine, right? I stopped, grabbed a Coca-Cola, a croissant with ham and continue back home....crap didn't see the pedestrian who just sauntered across the road in front of me...crap..forgot to cap the soda.....slam the brake...
FINE....one pair of now coke-stained jeans going back into the washer when I arrive at my domicile. GGGrrrrrr.....
I need music for calm AND! I have cool tunes on the car's massive stereo system which can only be operated by the tiny remote control that came with the car. Humming along I put the remote on my lap, turn a sharp corner. But I hate the next song on the USB....but that's okay!! I have a tiny remote that.....wait a minute..
Where'd it go? AAAaahhhh...under the seat of a car that eats things more efficiently than a goat! So I dug under the seat and promptly cut my hand on something sharp.
memo to me..memo to me.... "run car into large, solid object at first chance."
Continuing home...frustrated, coke-stained, sticky, and bleeding.
Get home...hour search for missing wallet..which was under magazine on the counter...duh. Jeans in washer, hand wrapped in gauze, memo taped to forehead, keys and cell phone in drawer. Check. Okay..before sculpting perhaps I'll clean a bit and get mentally settled.
So of course while I'm doing the dishes I had to drop one, do a unique ballet pirouette-like move to try to catch it in mid-air, probably looked about as graceful as an antelope in a skirt doing the Can-can..... all to no avail. ... CRASH....
FINE....I only need one dish to eat off of anyway.
It is these kinds of days where nothing I do goes right. I haven't learned yet that to save myself, my dishes, my friends and family, and any meandering pedestrians...I should just learn to stay in bed or admit myself to a psychiatric ward with rubber walls, thereby minimizing the damage.
LOL...thank goodness its only one day!
The Magicians Owl
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