Wanted to Get There, Coulda, Shouldnta, Didnta

To My Traveling Friends on the Road.....what a nightmare today has been. Going through North Dakota was fine,...and then... dum da dum duuummmm... we arrive through Minnesota. I know, I know.. it's suppose to be spring time. You guys out there in California, Nevada, Arizona, Florida, it is nice and beautiful, nature is popping out in extravagant colors and birds are in song. However, you guys in the Northern states need to WAKE UP!
I94 was going smooth (save for the 8,952 potholes, bumps, road injuries) and then I come across the ice storm. With the ice storm brings cars, trucks, minivans, and semi-trucks in the ditches, the medians, and the lakes.
In less than 20 minutes I counted 4 cars spun out in the center median, 5 cars, 1 pickup with trailer backwards on the side of the road, 2 semi-trucks jackknifed in the center median (you guys know better!), and one car who flipped himself into the canal 8 feet from the shoulder.
One, I hope everyone is okay. Two, I saw how you were driving and ditching your vehicles was inevitable. SO...let's establish some rules for the road to make it a safer, "funner" place to be!

1. When ice is present, DO NOT slam on the brake! Your vehicle will try to immediately stop but with no force of traction. You will feel a G force or two as the world whirls around in circles, and no, there is no contest with reward to see how many times your vehicle can spin 360 degrees on the freeway. Although a nice, uniformed man may give you a long yellow ticket chronicling your little escapade.
2. When ice is present, DO NOT stomp the accelerator! Physically the front of your vehicle will want to go straight. Murphy's Law says that the back of your vehicle (being incited by the roar of an engine), will want to race the front of your vehicle for the finish line! Most of the time...the back of the vehicle wins, sending the front, backwards.... science is weird huh? LOL Again, a weary and now somewhat irriated state worker wearing a now slightly soaked uniform, will whip out his growing ticket list and write you an official statement that you can show to your friends ....and a judge!
3. When ice is present, DO NOT make sudden lane changes! Why do people make more sudden lane changes when the conditions are worse? Alright everyone, although your job is frustrating, although your friends and family are getting on your last nerve, ... a snowstorm is NOT the place for vehicular suicide! Think of the people you are freaking out when you leave only an inch and a half between your bumper and the bumper in front of you. Stop it..you're freaking your car out! Two, your dog is waiting at home to be fed, he's counting on you to make it!
Be safe out there everyone!!! Be patient so you won't BE a patient!!
The Magicians Owl